I never really shared what I went through when I broke my knee earlier this year. For 2 months I could not run, ride, swim, be in the mountains moving or even do Pilates! I was no longer mobile and I found myself stuck sitting and looking for more ways to define myself. Who am I without all these awesome activities that I so enjoy doing; who am I without movement? I wasn't sure if I would be ok with not moving and understanding my identity from this. What I still needed to learn was the embodiment that I am enough by just being. But how this looked and felt resonated slightly differently. These questions and thoughts seemed bigger than me, but since I couldn't move, all of a sudden my time was spent sitting, reflecting, studying and taking this opportunity to learn to navigate life in a very new way, with a very different perspective.
For me, life has always been this constant mental loop of trying to figure out who I am. I often ask myself what my story is: How do I serve? Where do I fit in? What do I like and what resonates with me? Inevitability, I was always adding and subtracting to my identity as a constant process of evolving, learning, growing, making mistakes and changing.
I have always felt that when I leave earth one day I want to know that the way I have made people feel is good. I want to love everyone and tell them how brilliant they are. I want them to see their beautiful bright light and be like “wow… I am cool”. I am not sure how else to say it, but making people feel good, feels so good! But how do I define this (in my personal and professional life)? More than that, do I need to define this? Why do I need to even have this conversation? While I am not yet sure of all the answers to my question, I am learning to just let things be.
Goodness me, I have gotten so lost in this world with all my million and one identities… this, that, none, all, some days, some times, a girly girl, a sporty girl that loves dressing up and dressing down, roughing it out and being taken out. How these worlds meet and living them in parallel comes with all sorts of self-inflicted challenges. Without questioning this twice, it is my limitations that make this most challenging. We are all always taking on different roles with different people, in different scenarios. I think that makes life juicier!
My 2021 injury has taught me to take the pressure off and learn to start to just show up - just be. I have attached my entire worth, for so long, to “things” that are parts of me but not only me - brands, business, sports, the foods I like, the clothes I dress in, the people I spend time visiting. Who I am without all these different roles is still the same person. We are truly limitless in who we are, yet we put limitations on who we think we “should” be for this world. We are expansive and so indefinable.